What’s the one ting I’ve had always longed for?

A close-knitted happy family who stay together always in times of need and exuberance. No I’m not complaining about my current one just that there will always be a void since the bulk of my life was spent in an incomplete family.

Having brought up in an incomplete circle, I would not deny that I envied those with a harmonious family despite the occasional storms that goes by.

When I was young, I used to live happily with my uncles, aunts; grandparents hence never felt the need for a father. But I wished for my own close-knitted family to share my joy or worries, as I grew older. That space was never filled and is impossible to fill, as time gone past will never be brought back.

As I grew older I saw so many fights & heartaches in the family, which failed to instill model family values to the younger generation. Till now they are living like strangers with a face of pretense to show up only on prominent functions like wedding. But why the façade? They should not bother at all since they are insincere. They have not bothered to rally as a family in times of need or offer comforting shoulders. Friends were able to offer all the relief during heartaches and that’s why I despise my family members. You must be wondering then why I bother to even blog about this. Cos, I’ve seen their better sides when I was young hence I appreciate their presence in my life then. They were not who they are now. I was still secretly wishing for a miracle that would put their differences aside and rewind to the golden era. Their drift was brought about by money, status, jealousy & selfishness. Its tormenting to me when I recall the past which were sweet yet unforgettable.

Recently I didn’t attend the 21st birthday celebration of my cousin. I was wondering why be a hypocrite to show up just to give face when family ties are not just for major celebrations. In this aspect, I salute my hubby who believes that even if you’re not there in times of joy, it’s more crucial to be there for one another in times of need. And I’ve been touched by the care and love showered to him by his family members, they are exemplary. From all the heartaches and if onlys, I’ve learnt that each time we’re engulfed in moments of elation with loved ones, we shall always cherish them closely cos they may vanish some day with a blink of the eye.

It’s all over for us. The only person whom I care truly now is my granddad who is suffering from dementia but staying in a welfare home now. When I see him, I really feel heartbroken. He can’t reminisce the good memories but yet have to go on living…simply said he’s waiting to embrace the next transition from life, death. Isn’t it pitiful to live in solitude without your loved ones by your side, without even knowing who you are but only hope to go away from life soon? I wish him well and hopefully I would bring Boo frequently to brighten his black days. If it was me i rather die than live such a miserable life..but sumtimes not all goes well as we have in mind..tats life...
Long entry ain’t it..thanks for bearing with my heart aches.